How to Create a “Restore Point” for a Successful Marriage.
First before we go into details of the relevance of this idea. Let us briefly understand a much familiar process where this function operates.
System Restore on your Laptop/PC
For many of us who have a laptop or PC, you will understand that there are times when after much installation of applications upon application, suddenly when you power on your system, it will fail to boot, you will force it off and restart is again and it will fail to load your windows to the normal operating state.
At this point, you may get frustrated and “oh not again”, you may say, But there is a way, which is to select the option of System Restore on your system and this option allows your system to be reset back in time to when it was previously working in good condition.
And there you go, you choose that option and finally wait till when your system boots several times till when it finally loads your system to a date back in time when it was previously working.
Why the System Restore?
In the height of frustration of your laptop not coming up, will the idea of buying a new laptop be the best choice? Absolutely NOT! Why because, you must have previously had loads and lots of useful information that it must have taken you good number of times and possibly years to acquire.
Giving that up, too quickly for a replacement of your laptop will not make any meaningful sense! Yes because, it is not the fact that you need a new laptop that will solve your present problem, but the fact that you may have thrown caution to the wind while installing lots of application or perhaps you took the risk of browsing online without an updated Anti virus.
So, when you evaluate the situation carefully, you will soon see that what you really need is a better and safer option which will help you get your system back to a time in past when it was previously working.
How does this apply to Marriages?
In Marriages, many are in it with good intentions right from the very first day you said i do, i will love you tori torun, in cold season, in harmattan, in raining season, you promised to be together.
From then on, we march on, we try our best to remember our vow, we get involved in different activities some are very essential and helpful while some unknown to us, may gradually cause some little crack in our relationship and IF NOT CHECKED promptly, it may result into unexpected heat all around our supposed to be peaceful home, which is very similar to when your laptop fails to boot.
Now what do you do next?
Husband: Oh i cant take this shit, how dare you talk to me like that? look here young woman, let me remind you, i AM THE HEAD of this house! What i say is FINAL!
Wife: Head my foot, if you respect me, i will respect you, is that how HEADS behave? Is that how responsible men treat their wives?
And the NOISE gets loud … and Loud … and LOUD
and Next (the scene continues)
Husband: Look, IF YOU DON’T TAKE YOUR TIME, i will divorce you and nothing will happen! I will send you back to your fathers house because you don’t have the right to tell me what to do!
Wife: Shameless man, i am tired of you if you don’t know, because i have been tolerating your nonsense and you are shamelessly telling me nonsense! I will show you who i am today!
and the Bomb goes on and on and on…
The question is, are all these necessary?
Absolutely NOT! Does this in any way correct the situation? Not one bit! Yes it may help you think no one has the right to make you feel inferior, BUT honestly, that approach will NEVER make you feel good about yourself eventually.
Because all you would have accumulated are fits of anger, frustration that increases your blood pressure, predisposing you to hypertension and lots of health risk.
How will a Restore Point Help?
A restore point will be the only perfect solution in this case, divorcing your partner, will not mean that if you marry another spouse, this situation will not happen again.
All you need to do, is to fall back on one of the memorable event in the past when your relationship was in perfect order. Such as, Watching your wedding video together. Restore Point 1.
Another Restore Point could be when you both had good outing together and you took beautiful pictures that when you both look at it, you can remember in great details all that happened that glorious day.
|Restore Point 1|
|Restore Point 2|
Now, with these restore points, you can both reflect on the essence of been happy together and the positive benefits that mutual feeling had on your awareness of that fact.
You can both ponder further on the calmness and relaxation you both felt and the thoughts surrounding that special moments…
Good Work !
Now close your eyes and focus your mind all on this sweet memories…
Gradually that all those negative forces – hate, rage and unexpected anger that sneaked into your heart will melt away, giving room for this restore point to gain strength and have the boldness to be rooted in your heart.
Now get close and sincerely do your best to apologize to each other from your heart, don’t hold on why things got messy, just move with the waves of the sea breeze…BE FREE
How does this make you feel?
Lighter and lovable i guess. Now calmly sit down and honestly talk to each other with LOVE, about how things went north and what you both need to do to avoid a re-occurrence.
Believe me, lots of things will pop out in this process, both calmly remember that your going through this is to restore your relationship to when everything was perfectly working NOT when Anger broke lose….
Now calmly agree on how those unwanted traits can be prevented and what you both must do to maintain this happy moment.
Forgive yourselves FREELY, because all those hurtful words were said out of a confused state of mind under the wheels of anger…
What to do NEXT?
Be grateful that you have each other, and commend each other for supporting this plan of restoring your relationship and do your best to run your affairs on daily basis with this restoration points in mind.
Divorce or Separation is an option only for those who have refused to let go of their pride and be humble enough to forgive each other. Strength comes from having the ability to control your thoughts and direct it to a position that will bring lasting benefits to you and those around you.
Just like formatting your laptop ( Separation in Marriage ) or rushing to buy a new laptop (Divorce in Marriage) is an option only for those who are very weak at working under unexpected pressure.
We should endeavor to do our best to review all options and make a better choice that will promote peace and lasting happiness.
Let us do well to remember that is it YOUR RIGHT to have a successful marriage because you deserve it and no one can love you better than your sweet heart !